Unravelling the Maze: Screw-Ups and Serotonin
Sometimes, life throws a lightning bolt that forces us to reinvent ourselves within a short span of time. How do we react? This is the question I have been pondering lately.
Typically, I don't seek advice from many people, nor do I react quicker than necessary. After the recent storm, it took me two weeks to understand my emotions and stop being guided by a scattered state of mind. To be completely honest, as someone who feels everything intensely, I even questioned whether I was slipping into depression. I felt a lack of drive and motivation, and tears would well up every time someone asked a question I had no answer to.
This experience led me to reflect on different healing styles, which became a topic close to my heart.
There are three important questions we should ask ourselves: Do we want advice, a listening ear, or a comforting hug? People often default to giving advice, but as a person with an anxious-avoidant attachment style, that's the last thing I needed unless explicitly requested. I craved warmth, compassion, and activities that would boost my serotonin levels. Struggling to communicate this, I found myself experiencing panic attacks. Once again.
From a psychological perspective, this phenomenon is incredibly interesting—how we adapt to it and how long it takes for our emotions to catch up. From the person experiencing it, it sucks.
It's fascinating how we can believe one thing rationally or even subconsciously, while our emotions pull us in a completely different direction.
To remind myself to keep moving forward, I wrote down the motto "keep moving" on a piece of paper. No matter what life throws at us or how we feel, we need to keep pushing ahead.
I believe happiness is a choice, but it can also feel like a rat race. So even on the days I felt terrible, I went for a run, took a shower, and left the house.
In moments like these, it's easy to make impulsive decisions that temporarily alleviate anxiety and fear, but patience is key. This is when we need to show up for ourselves the strongest. Courage doesn't mean the absence of fear; it means feeling the fear and acting despite it.
You know what? It still sucks. "I know everything happens for a reason, but what the fuck?”, as the most relatable meme I've seen puts it. All those positive thinking quotes can quickly become toxic if misapplied. Sometimes, we don't need to hear that everything will be okay; instead, we need a fresh perspective, which can only be obtained through silence—blocking out the noise and stepping out of our comfort zones.
At times, I struggle with seeing the big picture, and my mind begins to generate various scenarios. That's when I revisit my five-year plan, and suddenly, nothing makes sense anymore — until it does. I realized that, with anxiety and short-term thinking, I needed to create a plan and show up for my future self. And, God forbid, I also needed to show up for my younger self. She's the one I want to make proud.
After regrouping, I sought advice from three friends. Here are some of the insights that stuck with me:
Being excessively happy might be an issue. Perhaps you've become too comfortable. This could be the right time to reevaluate your priorities and values.
Whatever your mind is fixated on is an attempt to fill a short-term gap. Remember, those options will always be there if nothing else works out.
We're playing the long game. Do your best in the present and practice delayed gratification.
One technique that helps me detach decision-making from emotional responses is to ask myself, "What would X do?" Here, X represents someone I admire, and my choice varies depending on the situation. Given the initial prompt, I turned to Stoicism.
Zeno once said, “Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue." Let us return to the four virtues of Stoicism: courage, temperance, justice, and wisdom. These are the qualities that truly matter. My inspiration, my X, is Zeno—the Prophet of Stoicism. Zeno was a citizen of the world, an expat who understood the meaning of home. Athens became his adopted home for centuries. Even when falling in love, he could see clearer than anyone else. We can always return home, but maybe this isn’t the time to be comfortable nor to fall in love with someone else, but finding order within chaos, and falling in love with ourselves.
For Zeno, truth was the only thing that mattered. "Perception," he would say, stretching out his fingers, "is expansive and vast," illustrating the concept. Then, closing his fingers slightly, he described assent, the act of beginning to form a conception. By closing his hand into a fist, he labelled this as comprehension. Finally, intertwining one hand with the other, he referred to it as knowledge."
I’m going on a 10 days Europe trip starting in Bratislava, Slovakia and ending in Athens, Greece - Zeno’s house - in search for knowledge. The goal is not so much about external exploration, as it’s more about silence. Enjoying the passage of time. And hopefully intertwining my hands.
🤍