Tales of mice n letting go
One of the things I struggle with the most is letting go of something I hold very dearly. Only if I had spent 40 years meditating against a tree, I’d realize the real meaning of attachment, and the expansion of pain and suffering it creates in oneself.
On the flip side, detachment from all things material and relationships is the key to happiness. It sounds weird, talking about non-attachment in regards to people you love so profoundly, but that’s where the magic lays, and something I keep practising. I don’t know what I didn’t know when I didn’t know better, and I forgive myself for all that I did when I thought it was love. It was an attachment.
The first key to happiness when mastering non-attachment lies in letting go of expectations and desires. It’s about respecting other people’s boundaries, and accepting what they are giving us at each point in time. Put differently, let things be the way they are, as they are. If we so wish. We don’t need to accept it when it doesn’t come in a package of love. It works both ways.
The second key to happiness, and the one I struggle with the most is letting go. In the end, they’re both the same thing, as it is about reality as it is and detachment from outcomes. But what do you mean I’ve given someone so much love, and care, we grew together in a part of our journeys, and now I have to let them go? Sometimes it happens organically, and relationships grow apart. That’s easier to master as you’re focusing on your craft, and some pieces have to fall.
Other times, you idealize a relationship, aim to fulfil a role that doesn’t exist, and enter the realm of what modern thinkers would call toxicity. It can take years to realize it, it can be born out of a relationship that society says you need to endure, such as a family member, it can be platonic, or it can be romantic. To cut the cord is harder. There’s this quote that says ‘What’s meant to be will find you’, that you can’t interfere with someone’s soul growth and if they’re meant to come back they will. It all makes a whole lot of sense, but not to put it another way, it sucks. ‘All the love I gave you is yours to keep’, but why can’t we keep growing our love?
Humans are complex, acquaintances are peaceful, but the beauty of life happens in the building when acquaintances become friends, friends become close friends, or friends become lovers. It’s in that transition that you find yourself pondering how the complexity of two souls merging can be made of clouds, fireworks or burning ashes. And ‘just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die’, but don’t let the trees die. It hurts because it’s love. You want to keep it because you put so much energy into it, you think it’s yours, but no. No one belongs to you, and if it hurts, it’s not love. It’s an attachment. It’s showing you your deeper wounds, and it’s delaying your growth.
We can hate the system, but we need to play the game. It sucks, but what’s meant to be will be. And for myself, all I want is to plant a garden of love, to be free of all that doesn’t allow me to fly. So I’ll cut the roots. And I’ll break the shell. A world filled with love. Starting in my backyard.