silence is so freaking loud

insights from 10 days in silence

What happens when you spend 10 days in silence, stripped of all distractions, facing only yourself? Here's what I found.

I just came back from a 10-day silent retreat. As always, it brought many realisations - about my emotions, my perspective on life, and how I interpret the world around me.

It’s the third time I’ve done this retreat, and unfortunately for me, it hasn’t gotten any easier. In fact, this might have been the most intense one yet.

A quick reminder of the rules:
10 days. No talking. No reading. No writing. No eye contact (to mirror isolation). Gender segregation. A strict schedule from 4 AM to 9:30 PM, with 10 - 12 hours of daily meditation (Vipassana technique). Breakfast and lunch only - no dinner.

For the first three days, you focus solely on the breath (Anapana) to sharpen the mind. From day 4 onward, you begin practising Vipassana - scanning the body, head to toe, inside and out, observing sensations without craving or aversion. The goal is to liberate the mind from misery.

What amazes me is what’s possible at an experiential level. Some of the things I’ve been trying to “fix” within myself over the past three years found clarity - or even resolution - in just ten days. Not because I believe in quick fixes (I don’t), but because the practice forces an intense awareness of your internal world. You observe micro-sensations with such sustained focus that you become deeply attuned to your environment, your reactions, and the subtle shifts in how you feel.

Many of the insights that arise in silence are ones I already understood intellectually. But when you connect to them through the body - when you feel them rather than think them - it becomes a completely different game. That’s where real change happens.

If I were to summarise the key insights I want to return to (and hopefully share some of this awareness magic), it would be these:

🧠 Most of our thoughts are useless.
Not to say all of them, but if you were to simply observe your thoughts for a day, you’d notice how repetitive they are. We loop endlessly - rehashing the past or imagining the future. It’s delusion. A story we tell ourselves about reality, instead of being in the actual reality unfolding in that moment - where everything, truly, is okay.

🌊 Emotions are temporary.
When a thought arises tied to an emotional story (someone mistreated you, ghosted you, took something from you, etc.), a physical emotional response follows. But if you return to the breath and choose not to feed the story with more thinking, the emotion passes - and space opens for something new.

🔍 The more you look inside, the more you understand your patterns.
It’s easier to blame others or external events. But that prevents you from processing and learning. When you understand the deeper root behind your actions, you gain the power to pause, not react, and gently reorganize your inner world - from the inside out.

This practice reminds me: presence is the most radical form of self-respect. And healing begins the moment we stop running

Will I do it again? Probably - when my heart tells me it’s time.
Soon? No. I received what I needed for this chapter of my life.
Would I recommend it to everyone? Only if you’re truly willing to look your demons in the eye - and welcome them in. (Spoiler: they’re already there.)

Love you. Keep healing. Keep growing.

Mariana ☀️