Short exploratory essays

On meeting people: I have been meeting a lot of people that are very similar to me. I’m questioning why. I love it. But why? I think it’s a mix of 2 things. First, I put myself out there a lot, which means people know I exist and are more willing to reach out when they find something relatable. Second, I meet way too many people, which means I’m sort of gambling and some will be the right ones. It’s a numbers game when you pick the right circles.

On relationships: It’s funny to imagine my social network interconnected in the deep air. Scientifically speaking, we are only able to maintain 150 relationships at a time. I’m not dwelling on that anymore. It’s never about numbers and lately, I have been spending all my time with a niche of 5-10 people + strangers. There are no in-betweens for me. Ambiguity no longer takes place in my life.

On getting paid: When you provide value, you should get paid. One way or another. I don’t think there are free lunches, as you always gain something in return: personal branding, gratitude, goods and services, to name a few. I genuinely think gratitude should be everyone’s base town. When that is given, you are set to succeed and you will appreciate any cover life chooses for your cheesecake.

On death: We are all going to die. Not everyone thinks about it actively, but that’s given. I am grateful for death. I think we should enjoy every single living day as we would die tomorrow, with a long term path in mind. I think we all come to life with a purpose. I have always believed in that, even when I wasn’t sure what mine was. I don’t fear death. I also don't want to die. I enjoy the material realm.

On existentialism: It’s okay to question things to an extent. I question way too much in every single possible direction. That might not make sense to more practical people. I think it raises interesting points of conversation. What we don’t see. What we don’t know. At the same time, after understanding that after a question mark there is always another question mark, I have decided to accept some theories as “temporary truth” and become more pragmatic.

On ambition: Ambition is seen with positive reinforcement from society as something to look up to. “She’s so ambitious, they said”. I don’t see it under that light. Ambition is the cause of all human suffering, according to Buddha. When you find your why, it’s easy to get caught up in an infinite spiral of wanting to achieve more. You get from A to B and you are incapable of contentment. You wish more and more until it becomes unbearable. I feel sorry for ambitious people.

On spontaneity: The capability of spontaneity might be one of the traits that most align with me. Or adaptation. I see it lightly, uncomplicated. It’s also related to a lack of capacity of looking for the small steps that might guide you further. Like me booking a random ticket to India when the country is still closed. I think about it and it doesn’t make sense. But I can’t see the steps. I live the steps. I need a more grounded person to tell me to book a place to sleep. It’s a complementary game. We don’t need to have all traits. We need to find people who give us what we don’t have.

On sleep: Sleep is probably what I have been trying to understand the longest. For some people, it’s as simple as “I’m going to bed”. I made it a game, and we’re still tied. The way you wake up in the morning determines your entire day. The same is determined by how you fall asleep. There are so many factors. Bring me a genius and I would ask him to give me the ability not to sleep. I have been trying out pink sounds, earplugs, Sleep cycle, B&W smartphone screens, intermittent fasting even lucid dreaming. Slight changes, but no spark event so far.

On the explorer syndrome: I have already accepted I am incapable of having a routine, that I need to be meeting strangers and going on adventures every week. I am respecting the fact that I get bored easily and need constant intellectual stimulus. I always thought I should adapt to how society wants me to be. But I can’t do it. It’s not who I am and who I have chosen to be on my side respects the way I am. Here are my main takeaways to deal with it: Constant analyses of your cycles: what has happened in the activities you are at? Enjoy the freedom that comes associated with the openness for change. Instead of trying to change this aspect, you can take it to move forward and bring people along. Understand who you are and respect yourself.