Found Connections
Adulthood is a weird concept. Making friends as an adult is pragmatically a living hell.
For reference, free quoting Johann Hari on the reason we unconsciously became the lonely generation. And why you could forecast metaverse as a societal pure decadence. A luxurious self predicable indulgence. A decade ago, when asking the average American how many friends they had, they used to say >1. Today, that answer became zero.
"To end loneliness, you need to have a sense of 'mutual aid and protection' with at least one person, and ideally many more."
Free friends - the type of friends you make at college. You hang out in a common space. You share common interests. Effortless build up of the relationship.
By building your network, one can compare adult friendships with previous free settled relationships, but that just divides those who wish to plant a new farm. It's a dangerous place to be, plus a comforting field where one relies on stagnation.
It's uncomfortable to go out of your way and attempt to meet new people in a new place. People have their own separate lives, interests, cultures. If you aim to get the same you had in a different place, you will fail. You will lock yourself up and prolong the frustration phase of adaptation.
If you approach someone with any sort of expectation for what the relationship could develop into, failure. If you come from a place of curiosity, success.
Networking as a concept should be a genuine connection without a pre-defined interest. And following the Spanish popular expression that says that we can't want someone to love us the way we want them to love us. We need to accept that they love us the way they can and know how to. Love languages and intensity of desire.
Marcus Aurelius’ Stoic philosophy and Buddhist concepts clash when we crave connection. There is a blur between wanting and interacting. And here, self-love seems to play a big role, but we need to be able to distinguish needing alone time and labelling alone time as a conscious effort. Then posing the question and challenging the framework.
As a wise friend once told me, a followed-up relationship is the alignment of the 3 and the 50/50 rules. If you have asked someone to hang out 3 times, you have put your 50. Let go. It's then a numbers game, and you'll eventually find your crew. Adding here the difference between being friendly and being a friend. You only really need 3 friends. It seems like if you're friends with everyone, you're friends with no one.
If we're breaking it down, it's non-objectively all the above, plus the emotional barrier of meeting so many new people and not really clicking. That's when you put an extra gear and understand that you can't make anyone love you. The only thing you can do is being authentically you. That's how you find those who will love you for who you are, and are simultaneous looking for the same thing. And love, if you ask me, in all its shapes and dimensions, it's the most important thing in life.
It might take a month. It might take six. By giving up, it will take your whole life.