Breaking the loop
The game of life is aiming to find solutions to one challenge after another, iterating over who we are and breaking the boundaries of being ourselves. Most of us can get stuck in two and three, running away from whoever we think we are and should be doing to succeed. Other times we have the answer and go back to past mistakes. It’s all just life testing us and it doesn’t mean we are losing. It is a test of our resilience in solving it over and over again, or whether we got tired and have given up.
Different people have different challenges and motivations to do what they do. Understanding our differences and respecting each other’s journeys is part of the process. Even when they are not telling us what they are going through.
It’s no secret that our relationships define who we are and that most people still think they should aim to be happy. Carl Jung has said that “emotions are often confused with feelings but this is all wrong. Feeling is a valuing function, whereas emotion is involuntary, in effect you are always a victim.” - this also means we should embrace all our emotions, both good and bad. They are part of the experience as well.
Three things I want to highlight here, in regards to my personal experience:
Whenever something punctual happens, I allow myself to suffer, complain, etc. for 10 minutes and then move on. When it is something that affects my emotional stability, in theory I allow myself to reach rock bottom for 2 full days. Something bad happened 2 months ago. Unable to find answers, I have stayed in a loop of sadness. I have accepted it as part of the experience, but I have lost some foundations. It’s important to notice when we are accepting and when we are faking it. I was faking it. The sooner you realise that the sooner you can break the glass and (re)build the floor of the roof you are showing the world. If you would be an architect, your roof would have fallen by now. No walls, no house.
Emotion vs rationality in decision making. Whether you are more emotional or rational, it doesn’t matter. I am a more rational person, which is the door to the nearest highway. Emotional people suffer in a more leveraged way. If you are like me, when you let attachment drive your emotional response, it is an atomic bomb inside your heart. Build systems to deal with prolonged negative emotional stimulus. Systems can be iterated over if the situation requires it. But be careful. Don’t let it accumulate for too long. Be more practical and when emotion comes, breathe. Break the cycle.
The past. You might go back to past situations and wonder what would have happened if you would say something different. If your actions had reflected what you thought, and not what you thought would be the best for the other person. Honestly, things happen the way they should. Once you say something or do something own it. Apologize if you have to, but stop thinking how it could have been. It can’t be that way. Reflect on the past to move forward. Live now to build forward.